Since David and I reached our third anniversary last month, I've been asked a couple of times what are the secrets to staying married. I'm no expert. But I've given this question some thought and here are some things I learned are important to marriage.
Disagreements are Commonplace— and Good. Arguments are the
last thing I thought about when I married my beloved but they are the
reality of marriage. I’ve learned that although you become one with your spouse
through marriage, it takes time to truly get in sync.
Fortunately I’ve also learned that disagreements can
actually help me get closer to my spouse as long I have a good attitude and fight fair. I learned
so much about what he likes and doesn’t like and how we can create a better
life together. Hopefully he is learning the same about me.
How I Think About My Marriage Matters. If I mentally keep a list of all my husband's faults and flaws, then I’m more likely to view his behavior with suspicion. But
when I think about all of Dave’s positive attributes and the nice things he’s
done, then I see his good intentions.
Every Marriage Looks Different. In the beginning I was
stressed because my marriage didn’t look like the magazines, blogs, and Pinterest.
As I wrote here, I felt guilty that I wasn’t cooking and cleaning for my
husband. I was filled with anxiety that our home wasn’t a chic little love
nest.
But I eventually realized that as husband and wife, we
determine what our partnership looks like. It’s OK if my husband is the cook of
the house or cleaning is reserved for the weekends as long as we’re both happy with that arrangement.
Commitment, Not Love, is What Keeps Marriage Going. I don’t
always have loving feelings towards my husband – not when his socks, shoes and
clothes are strewn everywhere and he ignores what I say.
When I‘m not feeling it, I remember the vows that I made
before my family, friends, and God to love in sickness and health, good times and bad
until death do we part. It’s not romantic, but it really is the secret to
keeping my relationship progressing forward.
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