Since David and I reached our third anniversary last month, I've been asked a couple of times what are the secrets to staying married. I'm no expert. But I've given this question some thought and here are some things I learned are important to marriage.
Disagreements are Commonplace— and Good. Arguments are the last thing I thought about when I married my beloved but they are the reality of marriage. I’ve learned that although you become one with your spouse through marriage, it takes time to truly get in sync.
Fortunately I’ve also learned that disagreements can actually help me get closer to my spouse as long I have a good attitude and fight fair. I learned so much about what he likes and doesn’t like and how we can create a better life together. Hopefully he is learning the same about me.
How I Think About My Marriage Matters. If I mentally keep a list of all my husband's faults and flaws, then I’m more likely to view his behavior with suspicion. But when I think about all of Dave’s positive attributes and the nice things he’s done, then I see his good intentions.
Every Marriage Looks Different. In the beginning I was stressed because my marriage didn’t look like the magazines, blogs, and Pinterest. As I wrote here, I felt guilty that I wasn’t cooking and cleaning for my husband. I was filled with anxiety that our home wasn’t a chic little love nest.
But I eventually realized that as husband and wife, we determine what our partnership looks like. It’s OK if my husband is the cook of the house or cleaning is reserved for the weekends as long as we’re both happy with that arrangement.
Commitment, Not Love, is What Keeps Marriage Going. I don’t always have loving feelings towards my husband – not when his socks, shoes and clothes are strewn everywhere and he ignores what I say.
When I‘m not feeling it, I remember the vows that I made before my family, friends, and God to love in sickness and health, good times and bad until death do we part. It’s not romantic, but it really is the secret to keeping my relationship progressing forward.
What secrets would you add? Share in the comments section below